Buy College Application Essays 2015

Hometown
Brooklyn
high school
Fiorello H. LaGuardia High School of Music and Art and Performing Arts
college plans
Kenyon College

I have no pre-choir memories.

If it were not for my involvement in the choir, I would never have discovered my talent and love for singing that led me to apply to LaGuardia High School. My vocal training in school has opened up a whole new world of singing to me and has exposed me to others who are passionate and dedicated to their art.

At the age of 4, I began attending choir at St. James Church. My mother decided that joining choir would provide me with musical and religious instruction, in addition to supplying the stories and rituals that are essential to Western civilization, Christianity — whatever that means. I was initially joined by scads of my peers at St. James, making choir a fun, social task, but as I grew older, one by one, my friends began dropping out and I became entirely disenchanted with what I saw as the onerous chore of attending choir. They simply did not want to go anymore and their parents complied.

In addition to the dwindling choristers, Saint James was located on the Upper East Side, one of the fanciest ZIP codes in New York, while I was coming from my school in the pregentrified Brooklyn neighborhood of Bushwick. While the neighborhood is now known for its gourmet pizzerias and trendy clubs, the Bushwick of my childhood was known for shootings and public housing projects, if it was known at all. This discrepancy between my two lives made me more than a little uncomfortable. While the children at choir proudly donned the telltale signs of their elite education: tartan skirts and navy blazers encrusted with the logos of their private schools whose cost was nearly as much as my mother’s yearly wage, I maintained my own uniform of jeans and a T-shirt. They all knew me as the girl from Brooklyn, the chorister who went to public school.

I begged and pleaded with my mom to let me follow the path of my friends and retire my choir robe, but she persisted, always replying with a curt “no”. She believed that in the long run, going to choir would benefit me both educationally and socially.

As the years went on, I continued to badger my mother on the subject. Her answers began to lessen in severity. She showed compassion toward my dislike of choir and soon replied to my questions of discontinuing my involvement in chorus with answers like “Just do it for one more year” and the even more compassionate, “Are you sure?” Despite my mother’s change of heart, I did not take advantage of her limbo-ed responses, and instead, I began to withdraw my constant requests. In spite of not having many friends in choir, I began to enjoy literally finding my voice every week in church. After years in choir, I let my voice become free and discovered that it was loud and powerful. It could be used to lead others in song. When I was younger, I had always followed the older, more experienced singers. I would wait for the right pitch, or follow the pros to figure out when to come in, but little by little, letting go of my reticence, I began to trust myself: starting the pitch and coming in when I knew we were supposed to sing. Eventually, other singers began to follow my lead. Parishioners started to acknowledge me for my voice rather than my address. I began to appreciate this music that I had heard throughout my youth, yet had always dismissed as boring and religious. Soon enough, my habitual complaints about choir completely stopped.

After being in the choir for nearly a decade, I was awarded the position of head chorister, which served as an affirmation of my musical abilities, since I was now expected to lead the younger choristers. The position of head chorister motivated me into applying to the highly competitive and prestigious LaGuardia High School.

Although I initially detested choir, I have come to love it, and more than that, it has become an intrinsic part of me. Choir allowed me to not only grow as a singer, but also as a person. Through choir, I learned that if you continue with something long enough, you will receive some sort of benefit from it and maybe even grow to love it. Because of choir I found my voice in a small church. Because of choir, I am willing to go wherever life takes me with an open mind, knowing that the effects of even the smallest things can be completely life-altering. As a song that I learned in choir and auditioned with for LaGuardia says: “Oh God, my heart is ready.”

The University of California (UC) system comprises many of America’s best public universities. Indeed, schools from the UC system are six of Admissions Hero’s top 20 public colleges. All of the major UC schools have strong programs in STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math) fields, and the flagship schools (UCLA and UC Berkeley) also have extremely competitive liberal arts, business, and arts majors.

Luckily for high school seniors who already have ridiculous amounts of work on their plates, students can apply to every UC school with a single application consisting of only two essay questions (note that UCs don’t use the Common App). Because the application allows for 1000 shared words total between two prompts, there is a bit of strategy involved as to the length of each essay. If you have a stronger or more detailed answer for one of the prompts, it is okay to write more for that essay but ideally, you should devote roughly 550 words to that essay and 450 to the other one. Under no circumstances should you have one essay longer than 600 words and the other one shorter than 400 words—balance is key.

Despite the fact that UC schools place a strong emphasis on students’ raw scores and quality of extracurricular activities, the essays are still important for students looking to study in the Golden State. Admissions Hero is here to help – let’s take a look at each prompt.

Note: this year’s UC app is essentially identical to last year’s. We’ve updated this year’s post only slightly to reflect new trends in admissions. Read last year’s post here.

Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations. (1000 words for both prompts combined)

This essay addresses many of the themes that the prompts for the Common App do, and since the UC schools do not use the Common App, you don’t have to worry about any overlap with those essays. This prompt is really asking you to talk about some of your major influences and your interactions within a group. You can certainly use your family as the base for your essay, but you should be careful to really dive deep down into your personal feelings and motivations (as opposed to getting caught up talking mostly about your family members). Many applicants choose to write about their family, though, which means that your essay will have to be extremely well written or delve deeply into your unique personality in order to separate from all of the other applicants covering similar themes.

Writing about your school can be a good strategy if you attend a school that has an economically and racially diverse student body. However, if you attend a competitive school with mostly affluent students, it might be difficult to write an essay that will play well with admissions counselors. Writing about a more nuanced and specialized community, perhaps related to some sort of hobby or extracurricular passion, gives you an opportunity to really show off unique and distinctive elements of your personality. For example, you could write an essay about how your participation in the Model United Nations officer corps inspired you to pursue an education and career in international relations. Alternatively, you could discuss how your participation in several online forums for World of Warcraft inspired you to study computer programming so that you can build a “crowdsourced” video game in the future. So long as you are able to write a detailed and distinctive essay, pretty much any type of “world” that you come from is fair game. The only exceptions are communities that are defined simply by personal traits (and not interaction) such as race or sexual orientation. Since these are personal qualities, an essay on these topics is best saved for the second prompt.

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are? (1000 words for both prompts combined)

Unlike the first prompt, this essay can be far more personal, and you really shouldn’t detail your participation or membership in a group or community unless it you have achieved something substantial in it (save such topics for the first essay). As we mentioned before, this prompt could be a place to address intrinsic qualities such as challenges dealing with your race or sexual orientation. You have some leeway as to how you want to approach the discussion of the quality, but be sure to discuss why it makes you proud. That pride can result directly from the quality itself, or indirectly from actions that you have taken or experiences you have had as a result of a personal trait (such as dealing with racism or experiencing gender discrimination).

You can also discuss an achievement in an extracurricular activity, however ideally you should write about a different one if you used an extracurricular activity for the first prompt. The “achievement” doesn’t be some sort of award or high achievement; it just has to be something that provides a compelling platform to discuss yourself. In fact, the most personalized descriptive stories often can arise from seemingly mundane achievements. For example, an essay written about your victory at the state tennis championships can obviously be impressive, but an essay discussing your pride at working for three years to rise from fifth to fourth singles on the tennis team and how the work you put into that made you value persistence can be just as good. The key is to make sure that you can point to specific character developments that arose from your achievement, no matter how small.

With these tips, you should be well on your way to writing the perfect UC Supplement. Best of luck from the Admissions Hero team!

For more help, feel free to check out last year’s post on How to Tackle the UC Essaysor reach out to work 1-on-1 with one of Admissions Hero’s trained college essay specialists.

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